Procul o procul este profani!

Ave you beautiful people!

It’s been a while because I was dragged to R’lyeh and held kept as housewife for Cthulhu. That’s the only lucid explanation I have, the real story is far more disturbing and I honestly don’t want to talk about it again.

It was just slightly amazing when I was diving through all my unread e-mails telling me that I wouldn’t answer the phone.

How am I supposed to answer the phone when I am not even close to it? What do you fuckers think? That I am sitting at home waiting for trhe phone to ring so I can ignore it? I know some dipshits, it never cease to amaze me!

Anyways, I am really pleased with how everything goes. I will be a part of my music schools Christmas concert in December and play a piece from Ferdinando Carulli on my brand new Yamaha C40M (it’s a “beginners” model, but the sound is fantastic), met some great people and their dogs (it’s a pleasure to spend time with them), and had a great time with the girls in Rome (“That would be far more interesting if Ezio was climbing up that building…”)

Back from the abyss, looking marvellous, ha, fuck you, motherfuckers!

And between all these things I have some That Guy issues. That Guy… that actually means there is someone I have a huge crush on (and vice versa), but unfortunately he works in a store close by, so my windage is limited to the checkout.

Which also means that danger is all around me, when I do my errands there.

I have to avoid all lady bits errands – it disturbs me that he could actually have a detailed picture of my vagina in his head judged by the tampons I buy.

Unfortunately this guy lowers my conversation skills to caveman mode – a dagger thrust for that little glimpse of hope I dare to have when it’s about getting to know him.

My friend Jessica noticed my affection when we bought special offer vino in said store when I was moaning about the fact that reincarnating as a mermaid would be my worst nightmare. That Guy was there, he was smiling like an idiot, I was smiling like a retarded chicken.

She cannot understand my hesitation when it comes about hitting on him (because I could buy my sanitary protection somewhere else, I guess) Let me tell you: It ain’t easy when your vocabulary is limited to “Have a nice day!” and “Receipt please!”

Last time I saw him I had my little bro (10) with me, who was babbling without any breaks. That Guy was laughing about our conversation and flirted with me in a delicate way. My brother later told me, that That Guy has an enormous crush on me, he could tell because he noticed that special look.

He also said that I would not have any chance with That Guy because he is way younger than me (I am 29 and he is about 25…)

“You are too old!”, he said with a darkly triumphant.

“I look way younger than I am!”, I replied and asked his friend Big D (10) how old he thinks I am.

Big D was looking at me in a very serious way and than he replied: “Hmmmm…. Don’t know, maybe 34?!?!?!?!”

After my friends keep annoying me and even my brother’s friends started trolling me I pulled myself together and manned up and went there to get the facts straights. I told myself that I am a wild boar, that I am unstoppable, a titan, a raging wild boar titan.

I went out with a bag of cough candy.

I have not seen him since ages. The lesson I learnt is that hesitation is a bitch. Even if you just want to buy sanitary pads.

At least I am back to sit at home ignoring phone calls from people who can kiss my ass.

That totally frees my mind right now


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